It’s Me – Chapter 24

“How are you, young Freddie?” asked Sid, “they almost got you there.”

“Yes, they did, but thanks to you and Seb they didn’t,” I replied.

“Congratulations on your escape,” said Seb flapping down gently close by, “I managed a direct hit on one of the librarians for you as they were heading your way. One of the other humans said that you were an apparition, a material emanation of a spiritual being, so I hope you’re proud of that.”

“It sounds quite a compliment,” I replied, “but I think I should avoid the library for at least two todays after today, to allow the humans to calm down. I will miss photocopying my rear end and it feels so liberating to do, but I have to be disciplined in these matters. In fact, on my next visit I will just photocopy my rear end and then leave again. That will give them something to think about.”

“Perhaps you could photocopy another part of your anatomy to play with their minds a little more, to make them believe there’s more than one material emanation,” suggested Seb.

“What a wonderful idea,” I said, “thank you, Seb, I will do that, I will stand on the photocopier so they’ll see just four paws one today and then the next today I will copy just my tail. That will confuse them no end and they might decide there’s a whole family of material emanations living in their library. Living’s not the right word, haunting sounds better.”

“I like the word ‘haunting’,” said Sid, “it sounds shadowy and ethereal and otherworldly. Oh, here’s the rest of the family come to say hello. There’s Angela…”

“Hello Angela, let me try and stare at your feathers so I can recognise you when I see you next…” I stared at Angela’s feathers and found them a combination of black and dark grey.

“And Henrietta…”

I stared at Henrietta’s feathers….black and dark blue

“And Wendy…”

I stared at Wendy’s feathers….dark grey and blue.

“And Stan you know.”

“Hello Stan.”

“We should indulge in an identity parade for you, young Freddie,” said Sid, “you turn your back and one crow will be standing there when you turn around again, you have to identify which one.”

“Yes, lovely idea.” I turned around and counted to ten. I turned around and stared.


“Correct,” said Sid.

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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