If it’s Tuesday it’s Belgium Society (ITIBS)

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about these organisations, hence the shortness of the book and the low price of less than a dollar. But, if you twisted my arm, I would admit that I’d make them up.

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Membership of this society is confined to North American travellers who’ve been on three or more holidays where the number of countries visited has exceeded the number of days the trip lasted. These holidays can include cruises although ‘international waters’ can only be counted once per cruise. The society produces a newsletter and hosts a website where member’s questions can be answered. Recent enquiries have included suggestions for places to visit on a day trip from Andorra to Monte Carlo and just how many countries do you pass through when driving from Glasgow to Plymouth via Cardiff in a day – 3, 4, or 5?

 

ITIBS is based in Philadelphia and its staff are given a very generous vacation allowance of three weeks per year, allowing them to journey around the world and experience a fast-paced travel environment, which will prepare them for the questions of their members. Recent trips included a three-day visit to all 365 beaches on Antigua, so that cruise ship passengers can be advised on which beach will suit their needs for the two hours they will spend there.

 

Another recent traveller was Wendell Wombach who spent two weeks going around Northern Europe on all the Inter City and Euro City express trains, so he can talk expertly regarding these services: “I spent around 200 hours on trains in that period and I enjoyed every minute; you don’t see much because the trains are so fast, but if you’re looking to visit 8 countries in 6 days they’re ideal. My best advice would be to do the longer journeys later in the day and earlier in the morning, so you can sleep on the train and then look around the cities at night and perhaps save on a hotel, before heading to the next city, sleep on that train, see the city, sleep again etc.”

 

Socks and Slippers Brigade (SSB)

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about these organisations, hence the shortness of the book and the low price of less than a dollar. But, if you twisted my arm, I would admit that I’d make them up.

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This group is estimated to be the world’s largest organisation of men and could be described as an international coalition. Membership is free and can be obtained if a man can prove he has received at least one pair of socks and a pair of slippers from his partner on the same birthday or Christmas – a till receipt will usually suffice.

 

The Brigade sends out a newsletter every month containing member’s suggestions for similar humdrum presents for their partners, such as a pair of scented candles, a box of chocolates, or a set of tea towels. The website allows members to blog about the uses they’ve put their presents to, other than wearing them. Some members let birds use the slippers as a nesting box while others use the socks as covers for their golf clubs. Members are also encouraged to enter the monthly competitions for the most boring present received that month.  

 

Norman Smailes is the secretary for the Sydney branch in New South Wales: “We have a number of blokes who are members many times over, because their partners always by them the same thing over and over again. One chap, Ernie Baker, decided to open a market stall, because he had a cupboard full of these slippers, all of them brown. He called his stall ‘Baker’s Toasted Slippers’ and he sold the lot in a few hours for a good sum. His wife didn’t find out. He spent the money on good wine.”

The International Union of Toastmakers (IUT)

For the annual $50 membership fee, members receive a monthly recipe booklet containing suggestions for meals containing at least two rounds of toast. There are product evaluations for new toasting tools and recommendations for toasting any new brands of bread that have recently come on to the market. Member’s tips are an important part of the website and members can add the tips themselves as long as they don’t exceed 250 words in length.

There’s also a popular “I can remember” section where older members can reminisce about the good old days when all toast had to be produced in front of an open fire and would smell of coal smoke. Occasionally there are talks such as the one entitled “Interesting uses for a former toasting fork”, given by a member called Bill Wedderburn. In this hour-long presentation, Wedderburn gave members food for thought.

Toasting forks could be used to allow woodpeckers to perch on trees so as find their food in more comfort. Forks could be used to play a new indoor sport, similar to darts, where the forks were thrown at a dartboard and both prongs of the fork would count towards the throwers score, if they landed in the scoring part of the board. Toasting Forks could also be used to play a miniature form of indoor croquet and to inspect individual strands of spaghetti.    

Extract from the book 40 Strange Groups

Jetsetters of Whitby (JoWH)

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about these organisations, hence the shortness of the book and the low price of less than a dollar. But, if you twisted my arm, I would admit that I’d make them up.

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This is a local group of jewellers in Whitby who create the most wonderful rings, necklaces, and brooches using the jet washed up on the local beaches. The jet found at Whitby is of Early Jurassic age, approximately 182 million years old. Whitby Jet is the fossilized wood from species similar to today’s Chile pine or Monkey Puzzle tree.

 

Whitby jet was a popular material for jewellery in Roman Britain and was used in rings, hair pins, beads, bangles, and pendants, many of which are visible in the Yorkshire Museum. No evidence for Roman jet working has been found in Whitby, but there is such evidence in York. It seems the Romans found the jet on the beaches around Whitby and sent it to York, where it was made into jewellery. Nowadays, members of JoWH are becoming more famous in each passing year.

 

Emma Sargent of JoWH explains more about Whitby jet: “Whitby jet is justly famous for the glow it gives off when it’s been polished for a few hours by a skilled polisher. You wouldn’t think that something black could glow so much, but it does and that’s part of the charm. I won’t say magic, because black and magic given a wrong connotation. We’ve been accused of worshipping the devil and of trying to create the philosopher’s stone. Our members are always worried about selling jet jewellery to people who’ve come to Whitby because of its association with Dracula. Anyone who mouths spells when handling the jet will be asked to leave our shops straightaway.”

 

Pad Lampposts for Texters Non-Profit Society (PLTNPS)

This voluntary society goes around collecting used bubble-wrap from large firms, cutting it into strips two feet in height, and then taping it to lamp-posts in areas where there is a high number of people texting while ignoring their surroundings. Two layers of bubble-wrap will suffice for protecting texters who are walking along, but five layers may be needed on jogging tracks or running trails.

The bubble-wrap is normally placed from a height of 5ft to 7ft to protect people’s heads from hitting the post. The society also places hidden cameras at these locations, so that unfortunate texters can see their hilarious accident on youtube, along with all their friends. Recividism amongst texters whose exploits are displayed on youtube is only about 7.5%. Texters can contribute to the society’s funds in return for their video being removed from social media.

The PLTNPS was the brainchild of Toby Cartmel, who first thought of the idea after videoing his next door neighbour taking 16 minutes to park his car in a parking space. The neighbour paid an amount of money to have the video deleted, but an idea was born as Cartmel indicates: “Yah, the neighbour was, like, the worst driver – ever – and needed exposing, so, you know, he had to be shown in a bad light, like, so I posted the vid and then he said – take it down or else – and I said, like, else what, and he said he’d beat me, and I said well that won’t remove the vid, so he then gave me ten pounds and then I deleted the video, but only after it had been seen 123,728 times. I then video’d someone walking into a post when texting and thought, well, like, people need protecting from themselves. So I bought the bubble wrap and covered the post, put the evidence on youtube with contact details, the money was paid, the evidence was removed, more wrap covered more posts. Pretty soon, thanks to me and my friends, all the poles and posts in London will be safe to walk into. I don’t regard what we’re doing as anything similar to blackmail.”

Extract from the book 40 Strange Groups 

Beaver Introduction Society of the UK

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about these organisations, hence the shortness of the book and the low price of less than a dollar. But, if you twisted my arm, I would admit that I’d made them up.

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This society believes that beavers should be introduced into all areas of the UK where streams and brooks regularly overflow their banks. They cite examples in the south west of England, where the recent introduction of beavers had led to less flooding during the rainy winters. Beavers help in three key areas: water storage, flood attenuation and water quality. In one area, beavers built 10 dams along a 150-metre stretch of water and have increased water storage capacity, evened out the flow of water and improved the quality of the water that emerges from the dams. A small stream that, before, would only have held a few hundred litres, can now hold 65,000 litres.

The dams have contained sudden rainfall, slowly releasing it along a “staircase” of dams: in this way they prevent the inundation that occurs when water is simply channelled downstream, while also providing a resource in times of drought. 20 hectares of intensively managed grassland feed into the dams – bringing manure, slurry, and non-organic fertiliser.

Paul Pedersen from the society explain it this way: “Beaver activity has filtered out the impurities really effectively, and the level of sediment coming out of the dams is so low that the deposits of nitrogen and phosphate remaining in the water do not register on any measuring equipment.”

It’s generally thought that members of this society are responsible for the recent sudden disappearance of some of the beavers in Dorset and Devon and their sudden re-appearance in Norfolk and Staffordshire.   

The True Deceiver by Tove Janssen

I almost gave up on this book as it was reminding me unfavourably of The Birds by Tarjei Vesaas. The Birds is a brilliant novel that tells the tale of Mattis, a mentally disabled man cared for by his lonely older sister, Hege.

The True Deceiver is about Katri Kling and her simpleminded brother Mats living in a Scandinavian village, but it becomes different from The Birds, and this kept me reading, when Katri determines to move into the house of older local illustrator Anna Aemelin as there’s something she wants, and she tries to take control of Anna’s life. Whether she does so or not, I’m not going to say.

Mats likes building and designing boats and reading adventure stories, Katri like crocheting and solving problems without bothering with any social skills, and Anna likes sketching the forest floor. The villagers enjoy gossiping about the activities going on at Anna’s house, knows as the rabbit house due to the contents of her illustrations, and the local children regard Katri as a witch.

How does it end? Well I recommend reading the book.

Most Distant Relation who is somewhat Famous Club (MDRSFC)

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about them, hence the shortness of the book and the low price.

This is a club where the emphasis is on the word distant. The mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, sons, and daughters of famous people are not welcome here. Famous relations have to be as distant as possible as happened recently when the body of Richard III was identified by mitochondrial DNA from a 17th-generation nephew. This nephew would be an ideal candidate for this club.

Members include a 22nd-generation niece of the man called Hamo de Chigwell who was Lord Mayor of London in 1319, 1321, 1322, 1324, 1325, and 1327 and a 20th-generation nephew of Sir Richard Whittington, who was Lord Mayor four times between 1397 and 1419.  

The club is currently trying to locate descendants of King Henry I of England, who may well be found buried in the vicinity of Reading Abbey. The king died in 1135, so any relations will have to be be either 28th- or 29th-generation. Once this has been achieved, the ultimate search will be for descendants of Alfred the Great who was buried in 899 and then re-buried in around 1110. Archaeologists are confident of finding at least some of Alfred buried near Hyde Monastery although his remains might just be in a shoebox at the local museum.

 

As Sandra Parkes, the secretary of MDRSFC said “It would be ironic if Alfred was found in a box after all these years when people have been digging around the area for years, hoping to find something near the monastery. Finding a relation will prove equally difficult, but we have the resources in this organisation to do just that, so I am hopeful.”

The Whine with Wine Group (WWWG)

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about them, hence the shortness of the book and the low price.

This group based in Melbourne in Australia meets on a weekly basis, usually on a Friday night to drink wine and to complain about the world and all its problems. No cheese is ever served at their meetings and no one can complain about this or they will be banned for life from the group. The complaining is in the form of 5 – 7 minute prepared speeches, similar to a Toastmasters meeting, though there are no evaluations. After each speech there is a 15-minute discussion period where arguments and counter-arguments can be provided against the complaint provided in the speech.

The chairman, Michael Ponting, describes a typical meeting like this: “We get together at the tennis club around 7:30 pm and have a few drinks before the first speech at 8. This is usually on some aboriginal topic or someone is complaining about the Lebs getting preferential treatment. Then there’s normally an environmental speech such as not using the coal deposits in Queensland, which gets people riled, and then the place is rocking when the next speaker is on. They usually are a Republican who wants the Queen replaced as head of state by a kangaroo or some such and then the last speech is normally fairly incoherent – could be about gay rights, the state of the roads, or the declining numbers of koalas in the Olgas – at least I think that’s what the bloke was saying.”

Ponting continued “The most popular topics for complaint are the state of The Great Barrier Reef and the possibility of changing the flag from the current one, showing the Union flag, to a new one featuring the Southern Cross and some indigenous flora and fauna. The main problem is agreeing on the fauna – kangaroos or wallabies, koalas or kookaburras? No one can ever decide and it’s rather difficult to put to a vote without knowing the design of the flag and where the animal(s) would appear.”