Nestorian Christians to recreate the Mongol Empire (NECREME)

This is an extract from the book 40 Strange Groups which is currently on sale for $0.99

The Nestorians are followers of Nestorius (c. AD 386—451), who was Archbishop of Constantinople. Nestorianism is based on the belief put forth by Nestorius that emphasized the disunity of the human and divine natures of Christ. According to the Nestorians, the nature of Christ is divided equally between His divine nature and His human nature, but the two are distinct and separate. Some of the Mongol hordes who created the largest contiguous empire in history, the Mongol Empire, were Nestorian Christians, while others were Buddhist and some were atheists.

NECREME believes that the best way to assure world peace is to recreate the Mongol Empire and unite the disparate factions in China, Central Asia, Russia, the Middle East and Eastern Europe in one huge empire, run by a Mongolian dictator in Ulan Bator, whose word is the rule of law. This Mongol Empire would cover most of the areas in the world where there are currently wars and internal strife. The mighty horsemen of the Mongols would fight all the disparate elements taking part in these battles and defeat them all, solving all these issues and bringing peace to a greater part of the world.

As Norovyn Batbold, secretary of NECREME explains, “The Mongol ruler would be a direct descendant of The Great Khan, Genghis, and he would be advised by the leaders of Russia, China, South Korea, and India. His Mongol horseman would be provided by all the countries comprising the Mongol Empire and would number almost 2 million in number, a force that would easily outnumber any opposing forces it would meet in combat. The Mongols would be back where they belong.”

Office Life

5 Days in the life of an English office

There’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story.

One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, and a couple have sex over a desk when no one is watching, but someone is listening.

The main character undergoes a transformation after losing a race and feels better for it.

Office Life is a story about the voyage of Albert Merton from a boorish anti-environmentalist to a supporter of the fight against Global Warming.
 
Initially, Albert is described as coming from a different planet because of his throwaway attitude towards everything and everybody. He insults people and doesn’t see anything wrong in the way he behaves. He is a conspicuous consumer who drives a Hummer, who doesn’t put paper in the recycling, and who despises people who keep fit.
 
Gradually, he begins to see the light. His children are learning about green issues at primary school and there’s a person at work called Nigel Todd who lives a considerate life and keeps fit. Albert challenges Todd to a race, but loses. Albert says he will beat Todd the next time. He starts to live a healthier lifestyle.
 
Albert is a lot cleverer than people give him credit for – he finds out the identity of a mole at his company, who has been giving secrets to one of their suppliers. He does this by looking at the phone messages of the supplier’s main manager, whilst this manager is out of the office.
 
The book is not just about Albert, but also includes a number of diverting characters. There’s a rather fat, jolly contractor, who is exceedingly good at programming, there’s a lady who dresses like her mother did 30 years previously, but who is very practical. There’s a loudmouth character who doesn’t know when to shut up, a woman who doesn’t have sex often enough for her own liking, a man who drives his car into a motorway barrier at 100 mph sideways, and a man who can’t stop breaking wind and who has to go outside and emit his farts in the fresh air. These people and others interact with and influence Albert.
 
Ultimately, Albert is a good person who tries to do the right thing more often than not; he learns a lot from Todd and grudgingly admires him for the stance he takes, even though initially Albert doesn’t respect Todd.
 
Interwoven with Albert’s story is another thread relating to a character called Tommy Bunn, who learns some lessons about life during the book. At first, he does strange things, such as going to the wrong village to attend a rock concert. Gradually, Bunn matures and finally he is able to hold a nice conversation with a female.

Office Life is available here at a reduced price from 1st – 8th February

Sports

This book describes 40 fictional Sports. This should give you something to smile about when you’re at home longing for a little bit of escapism.

The Sports include: 
  • The Dracula Race in Romania. Here contestants have to run around Sighisoara before cycling to Bran Castle and cook kebabs on the way.

All the stories are individual and distinct and can be read independently if necessary; a book for the busy individual who perhaps has five minutes to spare to understand the complexities of Bull Pulling or Unicycle Volleyball.

Bio: I am a writer. I love writing creatively especially about subjects such as British traditions, where my made-up traditions are no less ridiculous than the real thing. A list of my books, both fictional and factual (about travel), can be found here.

Office Life

5 Days in the life of an English office

There’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story.

One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, and a couple have sex over a desk when no one is watching, but someone is listening.

Albert, the main character, undergoes a transformation after losing a race and feels better for it.
 
Interwoven with Albert’s story is another thread relating to a character called Tommy Bunn, who learns some lessons about life during the book. At first, he does strange things, such as going to the wrong village to attend a rock concert. Gradually, Bunn matures and finally he is able to hold a nice conversation with a female.

Office Life is available here at a reduced price from 1st – 8th February

Office Life – Preview – 3

Another excerpt from a book about life in an English office.

As Wood finished his cigarette he noticed a programmer called Phil Bracewell coming towards him. Bracewell had scruffy, brown hair, a wispy moustache, and glasses that magnified the hazel pupils of his eyes.

“Eh Phil, I hope you’re not coming over to fart near me.”

“I have been told to go outside when I am about to break wind, as it’s no longer socially acceptable to do it inside the office.”

“It never has been, Phil, at least not in my book. It smells like rotting shellfish after you’ve polluted the air.”

“That’s just the way my innards work,” said Bracewell picking a bogey from his nose and flicking it away in an absent-minded manner, “and besides it’s not going to kill anyone unlike your filthy smoking habit, which will be a drain on the health service in a few years’ time.”

“I smoke on my own, whereas you seem to think your farts should be shared by everyone.”

“It’s a natural thing for anyone to do, it’s nothing to be ashamed of,” said Bracewell, “anyway, I can feel another coming on, so I will go and stand over there by that bush.”

“Good idea, and make sure you’re downwind of the office, we don’t want it seeping in to the office when no one is expecting it. You must contribute to global warming more than most people with all that methane you pump into the atmosphere.”

Bracewell gave a weak smile, thrust his hands into his coat pockets, and headed away from Wood.

Office Life

5 Days in the life of an English office

There’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story.

One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, and a couple have sex over a desk when no one is watching, but someone is listening.

Office Life is a story about the voyage of Albert Merton from a boorish anti-environmentalist to a supporter of the fight against Global Warming.

Ultimately, Albert is a good person who tries to do the right thing more often than not; he learns a lot from Todd and grudgingly admires him for the stance he takes, even though initially Albert doesn’t respect Todd.

Office Life is available here at a reduced price from 1st – 8th February

The Mary Celeste Society

This excerpt is from the book entitled 40 Strange Groups. Little is known about them, hence the shortness of the book and the low price.

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On 5th December 1872, the ship Dei Gratia was about 400 miles east of the Azores, when crew members spotted a ship adrift in the choppy seas. Capt. David Morehouse was surprised the vessel was the Mary Celeste, which had left New York eight days ahead of the Dei Gratia and should have already arrived in Genoa. Morehouse sent a boarding party to the ship.

Below decks, the crew’s belongings were still in their quarters. The ship’s only lifeboat was gone. Three and a half feet of water was sloshing in the ship’s bottom. The cargo of industrial alcohol was largely intact. There was a six-month supply of food and water— but there was no one on board to to consume it.

What happened to the ten people who had sailed aboard the Mary Celeste? This is the main premise of The Mary Celeste Society, who meet every month in Lisbon, to try and find out what happened to this mysterious ship. As Joao Goncalves their chairman says no one knows for sure: “Theories have ranged from mutiny to pirates to sea monsters to killer waterspouts. The story of the Mary Celeste might have drifted into history but for Arthur Conan Doyle’s J. Habakuk Jephson’s Statement in 1884; his sensationalistic account, printed in Cornhill Magazine, set off waves of theorizing about the ship’s fate. This is what we continue today. We would like to have found the lifeboat as that would have given us a clue about what happened.”

Speculation concerning sea monsters was easy to dismiss as the Mary Celeste showed no signs of damage, other than from storms. The ship’s fully laden condition seemed to rule out pirates. One theory bandied about in the 19th century was that the crew drank the alcohol onboard and either mutinied or fell overboard after pushing the captain and his family into the sea. Another theory assumed that alcohol vapors expanded in the Azores heat and blew off the main hatch, prompting those aboard to fear an imminent explosion. But the boarding party found the main hatch secured and did not report smelling any fumes. Nine of the 1,701 barrels in the hold were empty, but these were made of red oak, not white oak like the others. Red oak is known to be a more porous wood and therefore more likely to leak.

Another theory has come to prominence in recent years as Joao Goncalves explains: “Seaquakes have been mentioned as a possible reason why the crew would leave the ship, but that in itself wouldn’t be enough, because you would be moved up and down violently in both the main ship and the lifeboat. It would be more dangerous in the smaller ship, so why do that? There has to have been something else, some other reason. Fire has been mentioned, but why when there was no evidence of any fire on the ship? Perhaps the alcohol from some of the barrels caused a flash fire and everyone jumped overboard expecting the ship to burn? There was no smell of alcohol when the other crew arrived. Who knows, it remains a mystery.”

Office Life

5 Days in the life of an English office

There’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story.

One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, and a couple have sex over a desk when no one is watching, but someone is listening.

The main character undergoes a transformation after losing a race and feels better for it.

Office Life is a story about the voyage of Albert Merton from a boorish anti-environmentalist to a supporter of the fight against Global Warming.
 
The book is not just about Albert, but also includes a number of diverting characters. There’s a rather fat, jolly contractor, who is exceedingly good at programming, there’s a lady who dresses like her mother did 30 years previously, but who is very practical. There’s a loudmouth character who doesn’t know when to shut up, a woman who doesn’t have sex often enough for her own liking, a man who drives his car into a motorway barrier at 100 mph sideways, and a man who can’t stop breaking wind and who has to go outside and emit his farts in the fresh air. These people and others interact with and influence Albert.
 

Office Life is available here at a reduced price from 1st – 8th February

Office Life – Preview – 2

Excerpt from the book Different Planet

5 Days in the life of an English office – there’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story. One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, but the main protagonist realises how he can become a better person – he undergoes a transformation after losing a race and feels better for it.

====

“I can only speak about the hair on her head,” replied Tranfield,”but it does look like the colour of shoe polish doesn’t it?”

“God, Martian, who taught you to program, Aristotle?”

“Harry who?”

“Aristotle the ancient Greek philosopher, you dimwit, this code is so complicated no wonder it takes a day to run.”

“Don’t you start criticising my work,” said Tranfield, “or I will stick you in that large recycling bag over there and tie the tag.”

“That’ll be the first time you ever use that bag,” said Joan mischievously, “you normally dump everything in the bin.”

“The recycling is for secure information only, Joanie.”

“It does no harm to recycle the other paper.”

“It all goes to the same place in the end, anyway,” said Tranfield, “it all goes in the landfill.”

“Recycled paper doesn’t go in the landfill,” said Mark Atkinson, who was walking by from another area.

“Who asked you to intervene in our conversation?” asked Tranfield, “go and polish your TOTR BMW or speak to your TOTR wife. With your hair tinged red like that you look like a thin paintbrush.”

“What’s TOTR?” asked Joan.

“Something you’re not Joan, top of the range,” replied Tranfield.

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Atkinson.

“He’s just being normal” said Roger smiling at Tranfield’s discomfort.

“Go away, Atkinson, or I will stick in you in the recycling bag.”

“It’s going to be crowded in that bag soon, isn’t it?” said Joan.

“It’ll have to be another bag for Atkinson, because Roger will fill the first one up completely.” said Tranfield smiling.

“Do you practice making threats?” asked Atkinson.

“He does, whilst he’s waiting for his programs to run to completion, so he gets plenty of practice,” said Laurence ducking under the wet teabag that Tranfield threw at him.

“Martin,” said Wood, “don’t throw things in the office; I think you should come with me and see one of our suppliers.”

“I thought that Welsh git was going with you?”

“Ted? He’s from Nottingham, not Wales.”

“He lives in Wales though.”

“Yes, well he’s had an accident on his way in to work.”

“What’s he done this time? Run over a field of daffodils.”

“He drove into the barrier of the motorway at 100 mph, sideways.” Wood failed to stifle a smile that showed his nicotine-stained teeth.

“Sideways – why did he do that?” said Laurence.

“Well, he thought he was in the middle lane and he pulled out to overtake the car in front, but he was in the outside lane not the middle lane and so he he hit the barrier, quite hard at around 100.”

“What an idiot,” commented Tranfield.

“He’s alright is he?” asked Joan looking at Wood over the top of her glasses.

“He’s fine, he drives one of those Saabs, so there wasn’t much damage to the car,” Wood replied, “Ted will be in the office tomorrow – I think the barrier was a write-off though.”

“How can you drive sideways into a crash barrier at a hundred?” asked Tranfield, “I wonder what was distracting him?”

“Perhaps he was playing his harp and singing a song from the Eisteddfod, whilst eating a leek,” said Laurence, “you know, Martin, like Welsh people do, according to you at least, not that you’d ever stereotype people.”

“Shut up you scouse git, perhaps one of your fellow Liverpudlians stole his wing mirrors, so he couldn’t see in which lane he was.”

“Oh no, Martin, my fellow Liverpudlians would have stolen the whole car, not just part of it, not that I am stereotyping of course.”

“Martin, come on let’s go and see our supplier, Samlesberry Holdings. Roger let me know how your changes are going – give Barry Dingle a ring in about an hour and we’ll be there.”

“Give him my regards,” said Joan.

“How do you know him?” asked Tranfield.

“Joan went with me last time, Martin,” explained Wood, “anyway let’s go.”

“You took Joan to provide Barry with some hot stuff to look at while you told him we weren’t going to pay him for another three months?” said Laurence winking at Joan.

“Something like that,” said Wood.

Office Life

5 Days in the life of an English office

There’s lots of banter and insults flying around in this story.

One person goes to the wrong place for the weekend, another has horrible personal habits, and a couple have sex over a desk when no one is watching, but someone is listening.

The main character undergoes a transformation after losing a race and feels better for it.

Office Life is a story about the voyage of Albert Merton from a boorish anti-environmentalist to a supporter of the fight against Global Warming.
 
Albert is a lot cleverer than people give him credit for – he finds out the identity of a mole at his company, who has been giving secrets to one of their suppliers. He does this by looking at the phone messages of the supplier’s main manager, whilst this manager is out of the office.
 
The book is not just about Albert, but also includes a number of diverting characters. There’s a rather fat, jolly contractor, who is exceedingly good at programming, there’s a lady who dresses like her mother did 30 years previously, but who is very practical. There’s a loudmouth character who doesn’t know when to shut up, a woman who doesn’t have sex often enough for her own liking, a man who drives his car into a motorway barrier at 100 mph sideways, and a man who can’t stop breaking wind and who has to go outside and emit his farts in the fresh air. These people and others interact with and influence Albert.
 
Ultimately, Albert is a good person who tries to do the right thing more often than not; he learns a lot from Todd and grudgingly admires him for the stance he takes, even though initially Albert doesn’t respect Todd.
 
Interwoven with Albert’s story is another thread relating to a character called Tommy Bunn, who learns some lessons about life during the book. At first, he does strange things, such as going to the wrong village to attend a rock concert. Gradually, Bunn matures and finally he is able to hold a nice conversation with a female.

Office Life is available here at a reduced price from 1st – 8th February