Duck Quacking Festival in Cirencester – 3

Excerpt from the book 40 Humourous British Traditions. Is British humour your cup of tea? Britain has many well documented, yet strange traditions. This book describes 40 more traditions in a similar vein, all of which are less well known. Get ready for interesting characters, thought-provoking ideas, and strange events – all of which are fiction!


When Jessica was found and had calmed down sufficiently, the other 53 impersonators were allowed to make their attempts. As nobody had even stirred Jessica previously, Dave Simmons thought that getting any reaction from the duck might win him the contest, so when it was his turn, at number 113, he shouted “Woof, woof, woof.” Jessica looked up, flew directly at Simmons, and pecked him viciously on the nose, before returning to her nest. Simmons was led away with blood pouring from his face. To add to his discomfort he was banned for life for contravening the spirit of the contest. Since that time, the number 113 has been called “The Curse of the Duck Impersonators,” and people given this number have never done very well.

Eventually contestant number 126, Brenda Spooner, stirred Jessica’s interest by trilling “Quick, quock, quack” and then clucking and moving her arms around like a chicken. Jessica watched her intently and then quacked back. This was enough for Spooner to be awarded the contest with a winning score of one – everyone else apart from John and Simmons scored zero.

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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