It’s Me – Chapter 9

I am woken from my slumbers by a tapping on the window. I open half an eye and see a black bird on the window ledge staring at me. I jump down onto the floor and pad across to the kitchen counter and jump into the window, moving aside a primrose in a pot in the process. I apologise to the plant for waking it up.

The bird on the other side of the glass looks straight at me.

“Open the window,” it says, “and come outside, I want to welcome you to the neighbourhood.”

“Who are you?” I ask.

“How do? I’m Sid the crow,” said Sid the Crow, “and I live in your garden and trees. Who are you?”

“I’m Freddie the Cat and it’s very nice to meet you,” I said.

“My family’s down there in the grass,” said Sid.

I see four more crows that look like ducks on a green pond as they meander through the blades of grass with a carefree air.

“How do I open the window?”

“Stand on your hind legs and push down on the handle, that will loosen the window and then you can push your way through using that strong chin felines have for just these situations.”

I do as Sid says and sure enough after a little difficulty I am able to open enough of a gap for me to squeeze through to the outside. It is just as well I’m slim.

“I made it,” I said, rubbing my chin with my paw. I think my chin will need toughening up if I am to do this on a regular basis.

“Well done,” said Sid, “at least you’re friendly unlike that other cat that lives in your place, who seems very stuck up.”

“She is,” I said trying to remember the words, “those she never suffers from diarrhoea and believes that humans indulge in fascist jackboot thuggery all the time.”

“Is that right?” said Sid. “You have a very impressive vocabulary for a young cat, I must congratulate you on trying to improve yourself.”

“Thank you, Sid, you’re very kind. My mum said I should try my best every day to improve in at least one way and I am trying to follow that principle, even if it means increasing the amount of time I spend sleeping.”

“You’re a wise cat,” said Sid, “anyway young Freddie, let me show you around.”

Sid fluttered down and I jumped about ten feet on to the grass.

“Will you be able to get back up there,” said Sid.

“I will,” I said confidently, “I can climb up that staircase there.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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