Cat Coronavirus Diary – Day 12

Hello Humans:

Has the novelty started to wear off? Are all the days the same? Is each day Satnesday or Tuesurday? Soon each day will be this day or that day and you won’t care unless you miss the recycling pick-up and then you will have a huge pile of cardboard in the garage from all the packages of Marmite, toilet rolls, tofu, and soap you’ve ordered online! Miaoowww. What kind of casserole do you make with all that?

I licked some Marmite once and even though it was on bread, I still had to vomit afterwards as it was disgusting. If I ever run out of lawn to eat, I know where to go to get the sluices going.

The real question for today is: do you believe in reincarnation more than you did four or five weeks ago? Why you ask? Well, perhaps this Coronavirus lockdown is God’s way of determining who is most worthy to come back next time as a cat. Who is adapting best to the cat’s life? For those of you who are lounging around all day, putting on weight, and yawning all the time your fate next time is determined. And those of you are anxious to get outside, you will be dogs. Oh well, bad luck in one way, but in another way I am sure you will enjoy all that barking, drooling, and fetching sticks.

The time of cats and dogs will soon be upon the world. This is the training period for you humans to determine your suitability to attain the next level of animal existence. I hope you’re ready.

Miaowwwww for now!



Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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