Cat Coronavirus Diary – Day 10

Hello Humans:

Lurking is a popular topic, but it isn’t complicated if you prepare and practice properly. You have to watch for the signs and then consult your subconscious for what is likely to happen.

I will provide an example for you to show how it works, at least for me. Sometimes, the male human puts on what is called an outdoor coat. What does this mean usually? Well, it means he’s going outside which involves opening and closing the back door at the very least. I consult my subconscious – either closing my eyes or staring at a spot on the wall – and appreciate the lurking options.

The first option is to lurk near the back door just in case he forgets to close it, so I can sneak out and play in the garden until they bring the fishing net and haul me back inside. The second option is to lurk and see whether he is taking his ‘car keys’ with him. This means he is going shopping and will bring back my favourite food – bread. If this is the case, I don’t want to escape as eating bread is more important. If he takes his keys, I lurk in the window and wait for the car’s return. I then lurk in the kitchen, out of sight, because my subconscious has reminded me that he always puts the bags on the kitchen counter first and then takes his outdoor coat off in the bedroom.

This gives me precious time to seek out the bread, rip the wrapping of it, and gorge myself on three or four slices before he comes back and discovers the wet sticky mess in the midst of his purchases.

The key thing to do now is not to lurk but to hide in a safe place for a few hours pretending to be asleep until his disappointment has dissipated.

Miaaaaaaaooooowwwwwww for now….



Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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