Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 55

“There’ll be here in 15 seconds, “said Daisy making sure the light from her screen couldn’t be seen from outside.

        A Range Rover suddenly appeared from the coastal road and stopped by the gate. The driver looked out of his window and then spoke into his radio before turning around and heading back the way he’d come. Daisy’s gardening skills had fooled the police.

        “They’re at the house now,” said Daisy.

        “It’s time for us to vacate the premises,” said Tompkins switching on the lights and starting the ignition. He took the road northwards at a high speed.

        “Sit back and relax, Daisy, we should be back in an hour.”

        “Yes, just watch the speed cameras, we shouldn’t be seen heading away from the scene of a crime.”

        “I am taking a detour that will give us an alibi. One of Fluffy Considine’s pals has place three miles to the east – we’ll head there first and then proceed homewards.”

        “Sounds perfect,” replied Daisy.

        “Oh, did you notice, both driver and car were no longer there.”

        “How did that happen?”

        “I don’t know, Daisy, but our friend somehow escaped, and raised the alarm.”

        “Did you find Spinky?”

        “Yes, Daisy, he didn’t make it – he looked as though he’d been muffled, just like Stalky.”

        “What do you mean by ‘muffled’, Tomcat?”

        Tompkins explained what he meant. Daisy fell silent and remained quiet for the rest of the journey. With Marvin snoring on the backseat, Tompkins phoned Fluffy Considine to let him know he was OK and asked him to arrange an alibi with his pal for both Tompkins and Daisy. With that done he put his foot down making sure he obeyed the speed limit in the villages and towns – there was no point in drawing too much attention to his vehicle.



Chapter 4 – June 27th – Noon

Tompkins awoke to find the room bathed in dappled light. Filly had come back during the morning and opened the blinds slightly. She’d left a note on the bedside table – “Just come back for a few moments – you looked so peaceful I thought I would let you rest – I am back-up driver on the next bus trip – where did that snoring dog come from? It looks vaguely familiar.”

Tompkins almost howled in anguish – he was anxious to see his wife again. He needed her advice and not just about Marvin, whose heavy breathing he could hear.  

“It’s no use moping,” said Tompkins to himself, “let’s get up and face the world for all its faults.” He bounded out of bed, pulled on his light-blue slacks, white shirt, and red jumper, before running up to the roof to check the pigeon situation. Amongst the birds, there was a pigeon from Aunt Jemima’s saying that ‘Black Watch’ Armstrong had diverted from his munro-bagging to the Outer Hebrides where it was hoped he could find Dapper Dan. Tompkins couldn’t work out why his friend was taken there of all places, when neither he nor the rest of his pals had any connection with the place.

Published by Julian Worker

I was born in Leicester. I attended school in Yorkshire and University in Liverpool. I have been to 93 countries and territories including The Balkans and Armenia in 2015, France and Slovakia in 2016, and some of the Greek Islands in 2017. My sense of humour is distilled from The Goons, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. I love being creative in my writing and I love writing about travelling. My next books are a travel book about Greece and a novel inspired by Brexit.

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