Excerpt from the book Sports the Olympics Forgot This book describes 40 sports that ought to be played but aren’t, because I made them up.


The sleet was falling as the competitors heading into the murky morning mists. Immediately there was an incident as Eric Schnabel from Baffin Island skied into a tree and was knocked out for a few seconds – he explained that his head down style was more suited to the wide open spaces of Baffin Island than the Prairies, but he carried on and eventually finished third.

As expected Tonks flew along at a great speed but he didn’t follow the markers and eventually finished up at the wrong lake and so removed himself from contention because he spent the rest of the day looking for the Fish Judge. He was eventually disqualified for fishing on the wrong lake. Luckily the other skiers were far behind and weren’t tempted to follow him; instead they followed the trail to the Big Island Lake.