Tomcat Tompkins – Part 9

Four coos,” said the voice, “and that means…don’t eat the pomegranates, they may be contaminated with mercury.” “Wrong day of the week,” shouted Tompkins, “that sounds like the third Thursday of the month.” “Right, hell, let’s get this right…you are under observation and should leave by the back door and use…” “That’s right,” screamed Tompkins,Continue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 9”

The Poodle Shark

The Poodle Shark is so called because of the round knobs of cartilage that were found at the top and bottom of its tail, on the top of its dorsal fin, and on the ends of its pectoral fins. These round protuberances hindered the shark’s passage through the water, slowing its progress by about 20%Continue reading “The Poodle Shark”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 8

“Shall I tell the chaps?” asked Berty. “Absolutely,” replied Tompkins, slapping Berty on the back and almost knocking him through the wall into the garden, such was the power of the friendly gesture, “but when I have tootled off to the country for the rest of the afternoon.” “Hello Tomcat,” said Colonel Mustard, “do youContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 8”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 7

“Guy Fawkes?” “Yes, that person, the Catholic – do you know anything about this repatriation of my friends?” “I am sorry, Vasek, I don’t understand why that’s happening – do you think they’re just going on a coach tour, drinking too much, and then forgetting to get back on the coach to come back toContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 7”

The Andalusian Ferret

Ferrets are regarded as fierce creatures whose demeanour indicates a pent-up aggression towards everything, most of all towards their prey. Whilst this is true of almost all ferrets, there is one honourable exception, the Andalusian or Moorish Ferret. According to the natural histories of Northern Africa, the Andalusian Ferrets, owned by the Moorish aristocracy, wereContinue reading “The Andalusian Ferret”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 6

Tompkins awoke with the sun streaming through the red, white, and blue chintz curtains – it was just after noon, early for him. He looked around the blue-painted room and located his red dressing gown and light-blue slippers, which were under the white 19th-Century chaise-longue, for reasons Tompkins had forgotten. He romped down the stairsContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 6”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 6

Tompkins awoke with the sun streaming through the red, white, and blue chintz curtains – it was just after noon, early for him. He looked around the blue-painted room and located his red dressing gown and light-blue slippers, which were under the white 19th-Century chaise-longue, for reasons Tompkins had forgotten. He romped down the stairsContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 6”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 5

Tompkins bounded down the stairs and buttonholed Spiffy Wiffy, loitering in his vehicle. “I have to say, Spiffy, that I don’t like the cut of Ingram’s jib, he thinks I deport our foreign brethren back to the places where they started from, adorned with those ridiculous Guy Fawkes masks from a cheap flick based onContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 5”

Tomcat Tompkins – Part 5

Tompkins bounded down the stairs and buttonholed Spiffy Wiffy, loitering in his vehicle. “I have to say, Spiffy, that I don’t like the cut of Ingram’s jib, he thinks I deport our foreign brethren back to the places where they started from, adorned with those ridiculous Guy Fawkes masks from a cheap flick based onContinue reading “Tomcat Tompkins – Part 5”