It’s Me – Chapter 19

Apparently, there’s a new squirrel in the park called Bertrand and he’s been trying to find our caches, so we attacked him this morning and made sure he understood to create his own food cache rather than take someone else’s.”

“What’s a cache?” I wondered.

“It’s a store of food that we keep hidden and we go and use that once the ground is hard and we can’t get as much food as we’d like.”

“That’s a clever idea,” I replied, “if you ever become short of food I can smuggle out some kibbles for you, if you’d like, it wouldn’t be many, and I would have to carry them in my mouth and then spit them out of the window.”

“That is very kind of you Freddie, we might take you up on that idea later in the year.”

“I know where they keep the kibbles in the kitchen and I can stick my mouth into the bag and scoop out enough to keep you going for a few hours.”

Stan nodded his appreciation – “Speaking of kindness, where’s the other cat that lives in your house, the vindictive, nasty, sneering one?”

“She’s in solitary confinement for attacking me yesterday,” I said, “she’s in the slammer as I think they say, where she belongs.”

“Were you hurt?” asked Stan.

“My feelings were hurt more than anything. I try to be kind to my fellow creatures all the time and I succeed most of the time, whereas Gemma tries to be unkind and horrid all the time and succeeds at being unkind and horrid all the time. It’s practice I believe.”

“She has chased us in the past, when she’s been out in the garden, but I got the impression she doesn’t like the wind blowing her fur and she doesn’t like getting wet either. That means there are only a few days a year when she will venture outside.”

“I think her kittens were taken away from her when she was younger and she didn’t get over the feeling of loss and separation. She should see a psychologist really and talk about her loss rather than taking it out on other creatures, who aren’t to blame. I have to remember I’m not the target of her anger, I just happen to be around when she’s feeling upset.”

“Where are you off to today?” asked Stan, “back to the library?”

“Yes, I want to find out how the blue-haired librarian is feeling, she was crying yesterday and I want to make sure she’s OK. I also want to find out what books are in the library that I can read. The humans have a good selection and there’s plenty of reading material for me, but those books need to be placed in a wider context of what books are available as a whole for me to read and that means going to the library and taking stock of the book situation. Unfortunately, I will probably have to be seen by some humans but I hope they think I’m a ghost because the staff believe the library is haunted by a cat. I will have to keep moving and have exit plans for all eventualities.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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