A new virus

A chilling new warning was given on 1st May by a man wearing a white coat and standing in a laboratory. The man who wishes to remain anonymous has previously proved that Global Warming is caused by hamsters.

The man has shown that the western world has been infected by the TP Virus, a brand new virus we have no immunity to, which has mutated from affluenza.

This virus causes people to act irrationally and infects them with a desire to stuff shopping trolleys full of rolls of white paper, take the rolls home, and then put the rolls in cupboards at their home. The sight of 480 rolls of white paper in a cupboard reduces the effect of the TP Virus and is the only known cure at this time. Attempts to infect fruit flies, mice, rats, beagles, and rabbits with the virus have met with no success.

This amazing finding has gone around the world. People’s reactions have been incredulous.

Billions of people have said “What’s toilet paper?”

A billion other people have said “What’s a toilet?”

750,000,000 more said “What’s paper?”.

The search for a cure goes on…


Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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