Cat Coronavirus Diary – Day 8

Miaow Humans:

Have you noticed there isn’t one of these diary entries on every one of your human days? That’s because cat days and human days are different. You have Mondays, Tuesdays etc. Cats are different, they have this day, that day, the other day, some day long ago last week. In human terms, yesterday as you call it, didn’t exist for me because I was practising being asleep. Now, I wasn’t asleep as such, I was practising being asleep which means that although I may have looked asleep I wasn’t.

It takes many years of practice to fall asleep properly. Practising being asleep means I have to check with all the parts of my body to make sure they’re feeling alright and comfortable. This can take many hours especially if my tail isn’t behaving itself. My bed, or one of them I should say, is close to the goldfish bowl and my tail when it’s completely relaxed plops into the water and bothers the fish, who thinks he’s being attacked by a black furry fish or eel.

I have tried to convey to the fish that my tail is harmless but the fish just opens and closes its mouth as it does normally, so I don’t think my mind message, delivered in a Zen state to the fish, is getting through. I am then accused of bothering the fish when I am not. You see, you try to help other sentient beings and your care is misconstrued as desiring to eat the fish.

My next diary entry, which will be written on the other day, will be about lurking. Cats lurk a lot and I practice lurking as assiduously as I do sleeping.

Miaoooooooooowwwwwwww for now.


Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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