The Goat Parva Murders – 18

This excerpt is from the book entitled The Goat Parva Murders an English Murder Mystery book set in the countryside, starring two policemen who have been working together for a few years and get along really well. There’s lots of dialogue and banter with some humour thrown in amongst the murders and suspects.


Barnes stared open-mouthed and didn’t answer the non-rhetorical question.


Knowles stepped in to continue the questions.


“Can we ask you what you were doing yesterday evening?”


“Indeed Inspector Knowles. I had a friend over between 6 and 7 and another between 8 and 9. Then I watched TV until 10 when another friend came. I found it so hot in the TV lounge that I wasn’t wearing much by the end of the evening – I think the thermostat is faulty, so it will be the same this evening.”


She looked longingly at Barnes, who just stared back at her. He was smitten.


Knowles continued: “Were you aware that you were being watched, Danica, when you were in the TV lounge?”


“Of course inspector – it was Tuesday so there were probably three people watching me when I was wearing very little in front of the TV. The number varies depending on the evening because of village meetings, whist drives, committee meetings. I am essential viewing. It’s all part of ‘Village Life’.”


“How do you know there were three people, Mrs Baker-Clements?”


“Binoculars do reflect light and I am sure that rhododendron bushes don’t have reflective leaves. That creepy teenager Claude Avon looks at me through his telescope all the time from the House over there – I am amazed he can see but Poppy told me he can apparently. Someone was in the rhododendrons last night – it was either Barry J Anus – oooppss did I mispronounce that? – or that horrid butcher Shapiro; Shapiro uses one of those golf seats and it leaves a distinctive hole in the ground; Janus has a tripod and takes snaps with his long lens again leaving a distinctive pattern in the ground. You should check that inspector while the ground is still soft. Carol Herald, that ugly woman who lives on Sharrock Lane and works at the animal shelter in Madeley, she sometimes sits in the woods and watches with her telescope. Roger saw her one night and asked what she was doing; she said she was looking for the Pole Star or some such lame excuse. She had a friend with her too, another woman who works at the shelter.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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