Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 6

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the
UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and
the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the
woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


“You’re more likely to shoot peasants than pheasants, Ginger” replied Tompkins.

“True, I was never good at spelling,” replied Brenton-Smith, winking at the Inspector.

“I am glad to have been of some use to your esteemed group, Mr. Tompkins,” said Ingram, colouring at the lack of respect he felt was being shown towards him “now, if you don’t mind, I would like to look around the rest of the club.”

Tompkins stepped aside and allowed the Inspector by – “We’re only using this room, Inspector, so we’ll be quiet as you and your people search the rest of the club looking for those nefarious Whopper Boys, who put foreigners in minibuses and deport them to the Land of the Frog.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tompkins, I will appreciate your further collaboration when we meet again.”

“Look forward to it, I’ll go and have a word with Spiffy Wiffy, your boss, while you’re nosing around the nether regions of the place,” replied Tompkins.

Ingram smiled and headed up the red-carpeted stairs to the top floor of the building, his short legs taking the stairs one at a time.

Tompkins put a finger to his lips and indicated The Archers should head down the stairs in an orderly fashion and leave via the side entrance.

As the last man, Ginger, was walking by him, Tompkins whispered in his ear “Tell the lads I will be sending out a pigeon with the instructions for the next meeting. Our communications are compromised, so I’m not taking any chances, back to basics.”

Ginger nodded his head and smiled as he jogged down the stairs leaving Tompkins alone in the doorway. Tompkins made a note to send his best pigeon, Henrietta, to Ginger, who would then send his pigeon, Matilda, to Wet Bob and it continued like this until Dry Bob sent his pigeon, Thatcher, back to Tompkins to complete the circle of communication. They would then return the pigeons to each other at the next meeting, which was a useful subterfuge should anyone wonder what they were meeting about.

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: