Tomcat Tompkins – 57

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


Tompkins puffed out his chest, almost causing the buttons of his English-tailored shirt to burst under the strain, as he marched towards Auntie’s place. Once again, under the blue sky of a London afternoon, Tompkins experienced a pulse of energy as he thought about the plans his friends were making to shadow Stalin 2.0 and any henchmen, or henchwomen, she’d be bringing with her. He hoped Welsh Taff and Corky would ensure PC Ingram and his size 6 feet were kept away from the action should anything interesting happen.

Tompkins knocked on the door of Aunt Jemima’s, causing the pigeons to fly away from the guttering where they’d been watching what was going on 4 storeys down on the street. Muttley Mulligan, an old pal of Tompkins’s from school days, opened the door. Inside were Daisy Henshaw, Connie Fritz, Webster Smythe, and Miles MacKenzie. They all clapped Tompkins on the back as he entered the study where their campaign was being planned.

“Well,” said Tompkins, “let’s sort out what we can do to make Stalin 2.0 feel at home without knowing it. Should we try and abduct her and repatriate her in an East European country not of her choosing, for example Romania or Bulgaria. Or do we let her swan around Old Blighty, stirring up our enemies, and putting fire in their bellies, which will affect our efforts to remove our problems to the other side of The Channel.”

“That’s so inspiring, Tomcat,” said Connie Fritz, whose real name was Conrad Fitzsimmons, “but what practical steps do we have to take first? We must identify her, determine who’s in her entourage, observe how she’s travelling, and where she is staying. Only then can we know what we can do. If she’s travelling with 10 other people, then abduction is not an option.”

“Right,” replied Tompkins, “so we should have all eyes on the gangplank for her on the 28th. The inventory from the ship has been of no help. There are seven women travelling alone, or who appear to be travelling alone. However, I believe the Russkies are rather more cunning than that – she will travel with someone else as a couple, I am sure of that, perhaps with another woman.”


Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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