Tomcat Tompkins – 51

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


“Well, Ingram, are you accusing me of being a car thief, just because you know I drive a similar car to one stolen yesterday by persons unknown?”

“No, he’s not,” said Spiffy Wiffy, “but it’s a coincidence we can’t ignore, Tomcat, so if you know anything or hear anything that might interest your friends at Scotland Yard, please contact me.”

“I will,” said Tompkins deciding to tone down his mock foray into anger, “and with that I will bid you adieu and good luck following our foreign friend, Inspector Ingram.”

Tompkins left the room, even shutting the door of the outer office without scaring Tiffany. He was on his way to see Miss Scarlett and hear how Stalky Stark met his end.


“Tomcat, daaaaarling,” said Miss Scarlett, rising from her seat at a corner table in the restaurant. She gave him a hug and, as usual, was most impressed at his bulging chest muscles, strong shoulders, and boulder-sized biceps. 5ft 6 inches tall she wore a mustard-coloured hat, green scarf, white dress, black shoes, and peacock broach.

“Woof,” said Tompkins, “that felt wonderful, Miss Scarlett. Can we talk freely here, won’t we be overheard?”

“I’ve booked all the tables around us for an hour, so we will be fine for 60 minutes, starting now. I’ll just give the waiter an extra big tip although the way he regards me, I think he wants to give me his big tip, but I am hors de combat after last night with Stalky.”

“Why what happened, he didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“No, but he was rough, and he tried to bite me at one point, but I was throttling him, so I suppose it should be no surprise.”

Miss Scarlett ordered her starter and a bottle of red wine for them to share. Tompkins ordered a main course as an appetizer.

“So, what happened last night, Miss S, when did you arrive and how long was it before Stalky talked?”



Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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