Tomcat Tompkins – 50

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


“Well, yes, you’re right, I forget not everyone’s as well connected as my esteemed self, and sometimes when I say everyone, I mean me. It’s a fault I have, and I know it’s wrong,” said Tompkins.

“Well, I am glad you approve of my choices,” said Ingram, “but I would like your advice on something, Mr. Tompkins, as you are so well connected, what do you think the Big Whopper Gang will try and do? Will they leave this person alone, track him, or try and deport him?”

“Well, Ingram, I know no one in this Big Whopper Gang of yours, so I can’t answer that, I’m sorry to say. One other thing,” at this point Tomcat tapped the side of his nose, “I think you might find that the person you’re going to follow is a female of the species, so you’d better get that sorted out, afore ye go.”

“A woman?” said Spiffy Wiffy, “how dare they, the fiends, putting a poor lady through this trial, this ordeal.”

“I think your investigations will show her to be ruthless, I will also bet her name isn’t Ruth either – that was a Tomcat joke – but she is coming here of her own free will and believe you me, she is the top person in her organisation, no doubt about it.”

“She will go to Manchester first, so I presume she can travel there on her own,” said Ingram, “and the easiest way will be the train as hiring a car would leave a paper trail for us to follow.”

“Sounds plausible to me, Ingram,” said Tompkins, “but bish and bosh, I shouldn’t be here – I have a lunch appointment on the other side of town. I should scoot over there right away.”

“Oh, one final item, something strange occurred yesterday and I wonder if you know anything of the details, being so well connected and all that,” said Ingram, “someone left a written-off Jaguar, a red one such as the one you drive, in the middle of a showroom. A brand-new Jaguar was then stolen, by person or persons unknown.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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