Tomcat Tompkins – 42

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


“I quite understand, don’t want your fingers shaking at the table tomorrow, do we?” With that Tompkins shook Dr. Black warmly by the hand and wished him adieu. Two of Tompkins’s Varsity pals slipped into the vacant seats.

Pig Wig Smythe was 6 feet 2 inches tall with short black hair. He’d a sharp eye for fashion. Pig Wig had taken Classics at Oxford and was now a teacher at a public school in the North Midlands.

Pinky Featherstone was wealthy from her father’s chain of shoe shops in the Home Counties. She taught at a Kindergarten in Mayfair. Pinky was a petite brunette who wore bright red lipstick on social occasions such as this. She spent most of the day wondering how to make more of her degree in Applied Mathematics.

“Are you having him followed, Tomcat?” asked Pig Wig.

“Casually, Pig Wig. He seemed to know a lot about kielbasa, but that’s not a bad thing, an unpatriotic thing, or a reason for suspicion, but we’ll see if he does anything odd or foreign on the way home.”

“Who was your pigeon from?” asked Pinky.

“Well Pinky, it was from a friend of mine, who’s assessing whether one of our group is still suitable for membership of our elite band of patriotic pals.”

“Is he now,” replied Pinky, “is it an interview?”

“More of a practical hands-on test and it’s a she not a he, and she is an absolute whizzbang at this kind of test. I suppose it’s not just a hands-on test either, it’s more of a full-body workout.” Tompkins blew out his cheeks at the thought of what Stalky Stark was going through, probably at this moment. If Stalky was innocent, he’d be too exhausted to walk, but if he was guilty then walking anywhere would be the least of his problems.

“What are your plans, Tomcat?” asked Pig Wig, “you must have something planned for us to do?”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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