Tomcat Tompkins – 39

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


“Well, my dear Dr. Black, y’know I am not as green as I am cabbage looking – I spotted those no-good renegades straightaway, masquerading as decent, hard-working chaps, I was just biding my time, waiting my chance, lying doggo, until the right moment came along to unmask them for the foreign scoundrels they are.”

“They looked English, Tomcat, you have a very discerning eye for the foreign.”

“I can spot the kielbasa amongst the bangers any second of any minute of any hour of any day of the week, including the bank holidays. Dressing yourself up in the right skin still doesn’t mask the potatoes and turnips inside.”

“I think kielbasa contains either beef or pork, Tomcat, and perhaps caraway seeds on occasions.”

“Sounds disgusting, give me breadcrumbs and chicken any day of the week. Woof, that makes me feel so patriotic.”

“Well, it’s good that something does, your heart’s in the correct patriotic place.”

“The same goes for corned beef, woof, Branston Pickle, white bread, Chish and Fips in the Daily Mail woof woof, whelks, eels, well maybe not them, but woof to the rest.”

“Our observers have gone, Tomcat, shall we see what’s in their bag of tricks?”

Tompkins removed the Burberry bag from underneath his legs and placed it between the two men on the seat.

“Damned shame, a British bag being used for nefarious purposes, for spying, for undermining those who are trying to protect this great country from outside forces,” said Tompkins as he removed the video camera and pressed the off button, “is this designed for digital images or is there a cassette inside?”

“There’s no tape, Tomcat, and it is digital, but I don’t believe it’s sending the images to anyone. Here’s the card containing the footage.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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