Tomcat Tompkins – 33

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


Ingram held up his hands and cleared away some of the smoke before replying – “Thank you for your help, gentlemen, it is a real woman, and we don’t need a second opinion, thank you Dr. Terry. As for concept art, I don’t believe it is as the woman died from hanging, and recently too judging from the state of her – rigor mortis has not yet set in. The ambulance is on its way.”

“Speaking of rigor mortis, I remember a chap called Roger Mortis, who used to shag and half-kill his victims,” said Toppy, to no one in particular.

“Yes, ‘Roger by name and Roger by nature, woof’, that was his catchphrase,” said Dapper Dan.

“Anyway, Ingram, it’s about time the chaps were heading off back to town, for a well-earned night’s rest, is there any reason to detain them any longer?” said Tompkins.

“I don’t believe there’s any reason to keep them here, so you are all free to go,” replied Ingram, “I see no necessity to come back into the house, so you might as well lock up.”

“Right, we’ll do that” replied Tompkins edging towards Ingram and forcing him to leave the room. The alternative was to be slowly trampled by Tompkins’s size 16 feet heading his way.

Ingram vacated the premises, not even casting a glance at the ‘concept art’ in the front garden, which was being covered in a tarpaulin by the local constabulary.

Tompkins watched Ingram leave and turned to his brothers in arms huddled around him.

“Well, chaps, is it me or is that man more dangerous than the Russkies and East Europeans?”

“He’s tenacious,” said Dapper Dan, “which gives me an idea.”

“And what’s that?” asked Tompkins casting an enquiring eyebrow in Dan’s direction.

“Well, we can use old Ingram to do some of our chasing, give him some information about the arrival of our friend from the East and see whether Ingram can’t tail him, which will save us the trouble. We could head over to Deauville for a few days and relax.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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