Tomcat Tompkins – 30

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


Tompkins grabbed the man, who was about 6 feet tall, and held him up so the others could shine a torch in his face.

“Does anyone recognise him?” asked Dapper Dan.

They all shook their heads.

“I reckon chummy here was one of the two men looking at the junction earlier, so he has a pal somewhere around,” said Tompkins.

“I was watching the birds,” replied the man with a slight East-European accent.

“Really, what the pigeons and the owls?” said Terry.

“You English people, you are so smarmy,” replied the man.

“I say, that’s rather rude of you,” said Tompkins and slapped the man over the head.

As usual, Tompkins didn’t realise his own strength and the man fell to the floor unconscious.

“I know just the place for you,” said Tompkins and, with one hand, carried the body to the front of the property. Tompkins dropped the man gently between the legs of the dead au pair, before returning to the house.

“That should give old Ingram something to investigate,” said Tompkins, “anyway let’s play Whist until he arrives with a perplexed visage.”

The chaps sat around the large dining table and dealt the cards. Sandy went to see where the policeman were and soon reported back.

“They’re on their way over, I heard one of them shout they’d located a body lying on the ground, and he’s referring to the couple outside, so we will soon get a knock at the door.”

“That’s no concern of ours,” said Dapper Dan, “I think we should just carry on until something happens, we aren’t responsible for what our East European visitors get up to and the fact they can’t control their urges and have sex wherever they feel like it.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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