Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 14

This novel is something a little different for me. It is a satire set in the
UK at the present moment. There are striking parallels between these days and
the 1930s. There’s a lot of racist people around who are crawling out of the
woodwork as they have been encouraged by the implications of the Brexit vote.


Tomcat,” he shouted, “how the devil are you, I knew it was you, everyone else either uses the front-door bell or the knocker, but only dear old Tomcat tries to knock the door down with his bare hands.”

“Just one hand, Tiffkins, who’s in with you today?”

“Well, let me see, pretty much everyone you asked, Squaffy Jones, Berty Bertram, Teddy Smethurst-Pugh, Father Brown, Father Black, Father White, Reverend Green, Colonel Mustard, Noddy Houghton-Smythe, Cuthy Cuthbert, you know, those sort of splendid chaps, all of your acquaintance.”

“Yes, all are splendid chaps – let’s get in there and see what we can do; I must be quick, because I should be down near Chichester in two hours, y’know.”

“New car, Tomcat?” enquired Tiffkins.

“I had a smash yesterday and I had to replace that motor with another auto, which was undamaged,” replied Tompkins, “and I need to drive it around a tad, just to get the mileage somewhat believable, just in case anyone asks, y’know.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll manage that Tomcat, you could get a few Bulgarians in there by the looks of it. Anyway, in we should go.”

Tompkins stepped through the door and was greeted by a chorus of “For he’s a jolly good fellow” from the assembled white men.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father Brown, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you,” replied Tompkins.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father Black, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you,” replied Tompkins.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father White, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you” replied Tompkins, thankful that the triplets hadn’t brought their five half-brothers along.

“Ay, Ay,” said Berty, “is that a Tomcat I see?”


Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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