Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 129

“What’s the next step, Doc?” asked Tompkins.

“Well, Tomcat, if I were you I’d lie low for a few days and don’t go around kidnapping any more Russian tourists on the streets of London.”

“He wasn’t a tourist, was he, he was working for you,” said Tompkins.

“He was a genuine, 100% tourist, no connection with us, them, or the other them, your imagined East European enemies, who were never any such thing.”

“You mean Miss Scarlett reverse-cowgirled him for no good reason?” asked Daisy.

“How do you know that word?” asked Tompkins.

“I looked it up,” replied Daisy looking Tompkins in the eye, “I think I will add it to my repertoire such as it is, for future reference. Accuracy is the key, I believe.”

“It won’t be wasted, because when Dimitri reaches the upper echelons of Russian society he will be susceptible to some blackmail, thanks to Ethel’s work with him.”

“You certainly think ahead, Dr. Black,” said Filly.

“We have to in this business,” was the reply. “I think more of your friends are here, Alex and Ralphie, I believe are their names.”

“I think we should be going,” said Tompkins, “but before we do y’know, bish and bosh, I’ve been thinking, we too should think ahead. I will go back to Newhaven and see Jan and work out with him whether we can’t import sausages together and channel the profits into a charity to help children who lose a parent or both parents.”

“That is such a sweet thought, Clifford, I am so proud of you,” said Filly, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him close, “I could do some of the driving along with Alex.”

“Not only that,” continued Tompkins, “I should help Vasek up in London with his car repair business, I’m sure he could do with some financial encouragement. We should help these people who bring great talent into this country, integrate into society and add to our great swathe, our great landscape of wisdom and knowledge, so that everyone benefits. These people add something to our society and that is something we should encourage.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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