Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 116

“That’s Morty and Ferdy,” said Tompkins, “and they appear to be heading for the village. They seem to be expecting us to come from this direction, but I think they’ve made a mistake. I have a plan.” He whispered his idea into Filly’s ear and she smiled. They hurried back through the woods and hopped over the gate, before Tompkins hid and Filly stood by the pond, admiring the ducks.

        When Filly heard the two men climbing over the gate, she turned around and sauntered over to them.

        “Hello chaps, have you seen Tomcat, I seem to have mislaid him.”

        Morty and Ferdy both laughed, before Morty said “Well, we were expecting he was with you, is that not the case?”

        Neither man heard Filly’s reply as Tompkins had sneaked up on them when they were laughing. He smashed their heads together, which made a sound like a coconut being hit in a shy by a flying ball. Both men would have fallen to the ground, if Tompkins hadn’t caught them both. He dragged them to his vehicle. Filly took the keys out of Tompkins’s trouser pocket and opened the boot. Her husband threw the two men in, like he was making a deposit at the recycling centre. He opened the car and reversed so that Filly could climb in beside him. He drove out of the car park and headed south. After four miles, he stopped and inelegantly draped Morty and Ferdy over a 5-barred gate. Neither man made a sound.

        “How long will it be before they’re missed?” asked Filly after they’d been moving again for a few minutes.

        “Probably in about ten minutes,” replied Tompkins heading around a corner and slowing down to see whether they could be seen from the Stark residence. He pulled in behind a hedge and pointed at a chimney seen above the horizon.

        “That’s the house and from here, the road becomes increasingly visible from the house, so we could either park here or drive past and look for a hiding place on the other side. Here is better because our approach is hidden, whereas on the other side the car would be hidden but we’d be in open country for several minutes. Not good for our chances.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: