Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 106

“I assume you would like Smithers to stay here and look after things, be a central point of contact for people?” said Ralphie.

        “Exactly,” replied Tompkins, “he’s good at that and doesn’t seem to mind not chasing around the countryside looking for the opposition, but that’s not his forte and he knows it. You have to admire him for that.”

        “Right, well I will let him know. How should he contact you if he needs to?”

        “Well, Filly has a tablet device. She has email on and other things, so just ask her for her email address and then he can send her any news he gleans from London or GCHQ.”

        “She’s still asleep, Tomcat, but I’ll find it out before she leaves.”

        “Well, good for her, I wish I was, but you did the right thing to let me know.”

        “So, what’s the plan? It’s about 5am.”

        “Well, y’know there are no correct plans at 5am, but I’m tempted to go there now, surprise them if you like. Because I’m sure there’s people there and I hope Daisy is one of them, it’s just a question of getting her out without any of us getting hurt. Except the opposition of course, if they get in the way.”

        “Right,” said Ralphie, “but how do we resolve this situation between ourselves and the others, the opposition? We can’t start killing their people, because then we’d be no better than them. Will it make a difference, now they know we know it’s not the East Europeans who are kidnapping our pals?”

        “Good question, good question, you’d have to ask them, but I think we will have to curtail our deportations as the police are in on the act and so we should be seen to be model citizens until they arrest the opposition in their entirety.”

        “But that could be unlikely if they’re well organised, Tomcat, they won’t commit all their cards on one game.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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