Different Planet – 11

An extract from Different Planet – a story about 5 days in an English office available here on Amazon.

continued from Different Planet – 10

“No, Jon, I didn’t, I am not like that, I never even met him before. Don’t you dare start a rumour.” Merton pointed his finger at Wood as he said this.


“I won’t Albert, but other people might.”


“Only if you tell them, Jon.”


“There is that, Albert.”


They were now in the car park. Terry Argent was watching them leave and waved a slightly effeminate hand at Merton as he climbed into the car.


“You’ve definitely made a friend there, Albert.”


“Not intentionally,” said Merton. He gave a return wave that may have had two fingers in a more prominent position than is normal with waves. Internally, he was absolutely seething. How could anyone even think that he’d drive all the way to Manchester to try and hold hands with a bald man he’d never met before. His wife would laugh at him if he told her.


“Did you notice Barry Dingle was sitting on a rubber ring?” asked Wood as they started back to Britannical Suppliers.


“No, I wasn’t staring at his arse, Jon, unlike you.”


“He’ll be alright though if there’s a sudden flood, he’ll float, and the rest of us will drown.”


“You don’t believe that Global Warming rubbish do you Jon?” asked Merton, “it’s all baloney, they’ve had so much snow in America this winter, more than they’ve ever had. The world’s cooling down not warming up.”

“I don’t think the polar bears in the Arctic would agree with you, there, Albert. Overall, over the surface of the whole world, in the past few years there’s been a steady increase in the temperature and it’s mostly due to human beings.”


“If it is warming up then why was there so much snow in the North-East of America?”


“Because the weather patterns are changing rapidly and that’s because of us, humanity.”


“There’s been periods of warming in the earth’s history – you know those Ice Ages came and went over 10,000 years ago, it’s similar to that; if there is warming going on then perhaps that’s a good thing, because it will stop an Ice Age occurring. Besides these green people want us to stop using oil and coal; thousands of people will lose their jobs if that happens.”


“That’s short-term thinking, Albert, we should use more wave power and wind power to generate electricity to use to run our cars.”


“Those electric cars are dangerous; they’re so quiet – I can’t hear them when I am crossing the road – I was almost run over by one last week.”


“You drive a gas-guzzler, Albert, we can hear you coming a mile away.”


“That’s a good thing – and just think how many people my vehicle keeps in employment, Jon, all those garages I visit to fill up with petrol, have my oil changed, have the exhaust replaced. An electric car wouldn’t need those people; I’d just plug it in at home.”


“Those people would all find other jobs, Albert, making solar panels, electric generators and the like.”

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

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