An extract from Different Planet – a story about 5 days in an English office available here on Amazon.
“He’s fine, he drives one of those Saabs, so there wasn’t much damage to the car,” Wood replied, “Ted thinks he will be in the office tomorrow – I think the barrier was a write-off though.”
“How can you drive sideways into a crash barrier at a hundred?” asked Merton, “I wonder what was distracting him?”
“Perhaps he was playing his harp and singing a song from the Eisteddfod, whilst eating a leek,” said Laurence, “you know, Albert, like Welsh people do, according to you at least, not that you’d ever stereotype people.”
“Shut up you scouse git, perhaps one of your fellow Liverpudlians stole his wing mirrors, so he couldn’t see in which lane he was.”
“Oh no, Albert, my fellow Liverpudlians would have stolen the whole car, not just part of it, not that I am stereotyping of course.”
“Albert, come on let’s go and see our supplier, Samlesberry Holdings. Greg let me know how your changes are going – give Barry Dingle a ring in about an hour and we’ll be there.”
“Give him my regards,” said Jones.
“How do you know him?” asked Merton.
“Susan went with me last time, Albert,” explained Wood, “anyway let’s go.”
“You took Susan to provide Barry with some hot stuff to look at while you told him we weren’t going to pay him for another three months?” said Laurence, winking at Jones.
“Something like that,” said Wood.
“Anyway, Laurence, keep things quiet whilst I am away,” said Merton pointing at Greg although Merton was smiling as he was looking forward to getting out of the office for a while.
“Right oh, Martian, I am sure everything will be quiet when you are out of the office.”
Merton gave Laurence the two-fingered salute and followed Wood out into the sunny morning. Wood offered to drive over to Salmsberry Holdings and Albert readily agreed, even though he knew Jon’s car would be a mess with its children’s toys, baby seats, and dog carrier fighting for space in a family saloon car. Wood also smoked, so the interior would be stained nicotine brown from a winter’s worth of cigarettes.
As they reached Wood’s car, Tommy Bunn arrived on his moped and parked, in a manner of speaking, next to the car.
“Hello Tommy, how are you?” said Wood.
“I am annoyed, as you asked,” replied Bunn and stormed off to the office.
“He’s going to be a bundle of fun today,” said Merton
“I wonder if he’ll get into another fight with Jim Hayes?” asked Wood as he reversed his vehicle out of his space and headed away to the main gate.