Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 77

“That’s what ‘Black Watch’ is sending us via his webcam on the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides,” replied Webster, “he was doing some kind of documentary on the Munros in Wester Ross, so he had all the necessary gear with him, which was fortunate. He hopped on the ferry and is now heading south from Stornoway towards the beach.”

        “I’ve a bad feeling about this,” said Tompkins, running his hand through his hair and trying not to look in Daisy’s direction, “you see Dapper Dan had a copy of those chessmen in his drawing room, so someone, our enemies that is, are trying to make a point by taking Dapper Dan to that beach.”

        “You don’t think they will have done away with him?” asked Daisy.

        “It’s hard to say,” replied Tompkins, “It’s underhand of these people to go around killing my friends when all we’re doing is relocating their friends on the correct side of The Channel, from our perspective.”

        “It’s just not the done thing,” said Webster, “oh look ‘Black Watch’ is back online and is heading towards the coast.”

        “Do we have an audio channel on this?” asked Tompkins.

        “There is one open,” said Webster, “just speak to the screen and he should hear you.”

        “Right,” said Tompkins, “hello Black Watch, can you hear me up there in Lewis?”

        There was a delay of a few seconds and then a distinctive voice came over the speakers.

        “Why if it’s not my pal Tomcat – the one and only – yes, I am on the beautiful island of Lewis and Harris heading towards the beach at Uig where I believe our friend Dapper Dan is located – I hope alive.”

        “Thank you for diverting from your Scottish jaunt up all those hills,” said Tompkins, “I appreciate it.”

        “Well, I have to help my old friends when they need me, don’t I?”

        “It’s much appreciated, ‘Black Watch’, how many Munros had you bagged when we interrupted your climbing?”

        “I was only on my seventh, Tomcat, so no harm done. Who’s there with you?”

        “Well, there’s Webster Smythe, Daisy, Toby, and Cuthbert.”

        “Ah, the ones you can rely on, eh?” replied ‘Black Watch’.

“Absolutely, are there some people I shouldn’t rely on?”      

“Yes, Tomcat, there are. Stalky Stark for a start and I never trusted Spinky Mills much, he was always looking out of the side of his eye as though avoiding eye contact. Still, if I noticed, I am sure you did.”  

“Well, now you come to mention it, I think I might have missed that point about him – I thought he was a decent chap, though.”

“I see, well anyway, I am arriving at the beach now and as I am sure you can see what I can see, because I have a webcam on my headband. Are you seeing the beach?”

“Yes, beautiful, fine, white sand that would run through your fingers in a moment,” said Daisy.     

“Very poetic,” replied ‘Black Watch’, “I take it that was Daisy?”     

“Yes, it was,” said Daisy, reddening.

“Good for you,” continued ‘Black Watch’, “anyway there appears to be something not very poetic in the sand dunes over here.”

The four people in the room watched as the camera headed towards the grass-topped sand dunes. As ‘Black Watch’ climbed a dune, a figure seated on a chair became more prominent.  

“That’s Dapper Dan,” said Tompkins in a low voice.  

Published by Julian Worker

Julian was born in Leicester, attended school in Yorkshire, and university in Liverpool. He has been to 94 countries and territories and intends to make the 100 when travel is easier. He writes travel books, murder / mysteries and absurd fiction. His sense of humour is distilled from The Marx Brothers, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. His latest book is about a Buddhist cat who tries to help his squirrel friend fly further from a children's slide.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: