Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 48

“So, whoever is doing this knows about the contents of his house?” asked Dry Bob, “I mean I’ve been to his house half-a-dozen times and I don’t believe he’s shown me those chessmen.”

        “They’ve turned right,” said Daisy as a murmur swelled around the room, “along here a few miles and turn left towards the beach at Uig where the chessmen were found or straight on towards Callanish.”

        “Well, Daisy, is there anything we can do?” asked Tompkins.

        “Yes, I’ll ask my pal at GCHQ to contact ‘Black Watch’ Armstrong who is in Scotland on the west coast and tell him Dapper Dan is being driven against his will along the A858 towards either Callanish or Uig. That’s all we can do for Dapper Dan, but I am more hopeful for Spinky Mills. I’ll just ask my friend to make the call and then we’ll look for Spinky.” Daisy touch-typed perfectly even in the near darkness of the room.

        “The vehicle has turned left Daisy,” said Ginger, “so they are heading towards the beach at Uig, unless they’re going to bundle him on to a submarine.”

        “And I’ve updated that email with the information,” said Daisy, “thank you, Ginger, right let’s find Spinky – who knows he might still be local, Tomcat, we could chase him in your car.”

        “Woof, bring it on,” said Tompkins rubbing his hands, “I am all for some fast driving.”

        “Typing in Spinky’s number now,” said Daisy, “and showing the map of the south-east of England and there we are, heading down towards the Sussex coast it seems, already out of London, Tomcat, are we going to give chase?”

        “Absolutely Daisy, but you must come with me and bring the laptop. Can you put the lights on?”

        Daisy did as she was asked. The lights came on gradually, so as not to cause too much of a shock to people’s eyes.

        “As you might expect, I will pursue Spinky and his captors. I am not sure where they’re going, but I have a hunch it will be one of two places. I would ask you all to reconvene here at the same time tomorrow evening. If you can, please stick together as I feel our enemies will be in waiting to pick more of us off as and when they can.”

        With that Tompkins turned to Daisy and asked her to wait for him to arrive in his car. He then parted the curtains, opened the window, and vaulted out landing with perfect grace on the pavement. He sprinted off startling a few couples returning from the theatre along the way. In 5 minutes he had returned to Chateau Tompkins, brushed his teeth, sent two emergency pigeons, and grabbed his driving gloves, scarf, and special driving shoes, which he put on as he hopped down the stairs, an old party trick from his student days.

        “Let’s go,” he said to himself as he unlocked the car. Tompkins was soon at Aunt Jemima’s where Daisy was waiting on the pavement.

        “Ready, Daisy?” he asked.

        “Yes, but I would advise you to search for tracking devices,” Daisy replied, “before we start, otherwise you’re a sitting duck for them. They know you’ll be coming so let’s not give them any warning.”

        “Yes, you’re right,” said Tompkins, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel before taking the detector out of the glove compartment, “I wonder if they’ve left them in the same places as last time?” He leapt out of the car and played the detector over the rear bumper, front bumper, and driver’s door. He found nothing. Tompkins scanned the rest of the car and the machine beeped three times – under both rear wheel arches and on the windscreen wipers.

        “Three more of the tracking devices, you were right Daisy, let’s go to Victoria Coach Station and send them on an interesting journey to a lovely part of this great country.”

Published by Julian Worker

I was born in Leicester. I attended school in Yorkshire and University in Liverpool. I have been to 93 countries and territories including The Balkans and Armenia in 2015, France and Slovakia in 2016, and some of the Greek Islands in 2017. My sense of humour is distilled from The Goons, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. I love being creative in my writing and I love writing about travelling. My next books are a travel book about Greece and a novel inspired by Brexit.

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