Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 23

“Yes, I do, I received a pigeon about it last night, and the ship he will use, and his intended port of disembarkation.”

“Is the blighter coming undercover?” asked Terry.

Tompkins nodded his head vigourously – “I believe he is, y’know, so we shall have to be waiting for him, but I also believe he’s coming to see someone – his biggest fan over here, you know who I mean.” Tompkins tapped the side of his nose.

“The man with the big nose?” said Dapper Dan.

Tompkins emitted a stentorian boom of a laugh that shook the roof.

“Nice one, Dapper Dan, that will be his codename from now on, Big Nose, I think we should keep Stalin 2.0 under observation until he reaches Big Nose,” said Tompkins.

“We’re assuming Big Nose is a man?” asked the GOM, “no has seen this person, have they? It’s just the name we have. This Big Nose is our main antagonist, don’t forget. Can we obtain any information on Big Nose – how about the head of MI5?”

“We can,” said Toppy, “we know his secretary’s on our side as he went to school with Dapper Dan and Dapper has evidence of the secretary’s predilection for the Queen’s finest corgis, so we can find out what the head of MI5 will be doing for the foreseeable future.”

“Corgis? Who would stoop that low?” asked Terry.

“Vile creature,” said the GOM, “and I mean the Secretary, not the corgis, which are terrible, yappy things at the best of times.”

At that moment, there was a “Coo, Coo, Coo, Coo, Coo” from outside.

“What day is it?” asked Terry.

“5 coos is the same on all days – it’s a warning there’s people about that we don’t want listening into our conversations,” said the GOM, switching out the light.

“Where are they?” asked Dapper Dan.

“There’s two suspicious characters out front, near the moorings,” replied Binky Banks-Smythe who’d just come inside, “Sandy has them under observation with his binocs.”

“I’ll have a look,” said Tompkins, “and see if I recognise any of those damned blighters – perhaps they’re the ones I saw on the way here.”

“Right, perhaps they are” said the GOM as Tompkins opened the door and crept out onto the verandah.

Published by Julian Worker

I was born in Leicester. I attended school in Yorkshire and University in Liverpool. I have been to 93 countries and territories including The Balkans and Armenia in 2015, France and Slovakia in 2016, and some of the Greek Islands in 2017. My sense of humour is distilled from The Goons, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. I love being creative in my writing and I love writing about travelling. My next books are a travel book about Greece and a novel inspired by Brexit.

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