Satire – Tomcat Tompkins – 21

“Rather, I suppose they would” said Tompkins, “is the GOM here yet?”

“Almost, Tomcat, he’s swimming the last two miles, just to be on the safe side.”

“Sounds like my uncle, just to be on the safe side, as you say.”

“The others will arrive via boat from further along the coast in two minutes.”

“Make sure they come in the back way, there’s a distraction at the front, which I left for any rotters to lap up.”

“What is that?”

“It’s Stalky Stark’s au pair, who met with an accident, so I agreed to take her with me. He’s been giving her a good seeing to, when his wife was away, but she died whilst we were talking and the police were coming, so I took her with me.”

“You didn’t indulge on the way over here, did you?”

“Good god, no, she’s dead, very hairy, and from Albania, so it was not very appealing.”

There was a rendition of the password at that moment, and Binnsy’s henchman swung the green lantern backwards and forward to denote safe passage.


“Sounds like they’re here already,” said Binnsy and went out.


A minute later, ‘Toppy’ Rogers-Hewitt, ‘Dapper’ Dan Heaton-Hall, and ‘Terry’ Briggs-Bishop entered the room.

“Hello, Tomcat, how are you?” said Toppy.

“Ripping,” replied Tompkins.

“Hello, Tomcat, how are you?” said Dapper.

“Ripping,” replied Tompkins.

“Hello, Tomcat, how are things?” said Terry.

“Splendid,” replied Tompkins, glad that someone had greeted him in a different manner, “what’s the jolly game then?”

“Heard you’ve left an offering for the hoi polloi at the front.” said Dapper Dan.

Published by Julian Worker

I was born in Leicester. I attended school in Yorkshire and University in Liverpool. I have been to 93 countries and territories including The Balkans and Armenia in 2015, France and Slovakia in 2016, and some of the Greek Islands in 2017. My sense of humour is distilled from The Goons, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and Midsomer Murders. I love being creative in my writing and I love writing about travelling. My next books are a travel book about Greece and a novel inspired by Brexit.

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