Gemma and Freddie – newspaper column extract

Dear Gemma:

My name is Percy and I am a seven-year old dachshund from Burnaby. My owners are going on holiday to Mexico for one week and then moving house. Do you have any advice?

Gemma says: Yes, Percy, I hope Mexi Cow is bigger than the cows we have seen in a book of animals. When most of the furniture in the gaol disappeared, the gaolers were still around, so we weren’t sure what was going on. There were lots of boxes around, most of which were empty. We were getting nervous, as empty boxes mean trips to the vet, needles, weighing scales and large dogs being nosey. All the books disappeared too, including Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto. We thought they were trying to “dumb us down” and prevent us becoming educated, as “knowledge is purrrrower”, but they didn’t realise that intelligent cats can never be surpurrrrrressed by those jackboot capitalist tactics. Do you know who Lenin was? Was he a cat? Freddie thinks he might have been in a pop group called the Beatles?
Comrade Gemma and Brother Fred