Excerpt from the book Animals Evolution Avoided. This book describes 40 animals that ought to exist but don’t, because I made them up.
The Yoga Badger of Swaziland is so called because of its relaxed approach to life. This attitude contrasts sharply with other badgers in Africa such as the manic Honey Badger. The Yoga Badger’s diet comprises insects such as termites and bees. When the badger becomes hungry he will sit down on his back paws and sniff the air. He will hold out his front legs and let them dangle for a few minutes before heading off in the general direction of a termites’ nest.
Once the badger has found the nest, he will walk around it a few times occasionally dabbing his paw at the structure just to test its strength. He will then sit down on the ground outside the entrance to the nest and stretch, first to the left, then to the right, holding the pose for a few seconds before standing up and walking over to the nest. He will eat any termites he sees as he ambles around.
The Yoga Badger doesn’t damage the nest as he realises it’s in his own interests to maintain a secure environment for the termites, as the badger may need to come back in the future to the same nest for more food. The badger will relax by lying on the nest, just above the entrance, and eating the termites as they come out. The Yoga Badger will also rhythmically tap the sides of the nest with its paws, so as to encourage more termites to come outside.
Once the Yoga Badger has feasted enough, he will slide down from the nest and do more stretching to aid his digestion before strolling back to his own home, usually via a waterhole where he will take a long, contemplative drink.