Excerpt from the book Sports the Olympics Forgot This book describes 40 sports that ought to be played but aren’t, because I made them up.

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There are a number of races in each category for both men and women depending on contestant’s ages. The U-21 race is over 5 miles, the 21-30 race is for 7.5 miles, and the 31 and above race is a distance of 10 miles. In most years, the number of contestants in each category is between 750 and 1000 split evenly between each age range.

The first round in each of the age ranges is split into four separate races and the idea in this first round is not to be caught by the Vikings. The starter, dressed as Neptune, fires a Very Light into the sky and the racers start to paddle away from the starting line. 5 minutes later the starter fires a distress flare into the sky and 25 Viking warriors start running after the contestants carrying plastic axes and wearing traditional helmets. If the Vikings catch a contestant and strike him over the head with their axe then the contestant, and his fellow crew members in canoes and fishing boats, takes no further part in the contest. Only those boats who reach the finishing line without being caught by a Viking qualify for the next round.