Excerpt from the book Sports the Olympics Forgot This book describes 40 sports that ought to be played but aren’t, because I made them up.


The Papal Bullfighting contest has taken place since 1523 and is the oldest sport to feature at the Games. The bullfighters, dressed in a monk’s outfit similar to that of Martin Luther, have to place a copy of the 95 Theses, written by Luther, over each of the horns of the bull and also knock off the Papal Tiara, a jewelled three-tiered crown used at papal coronations from 1305 through 1963, that is fixed to the head of the bull.  The person who performs these tasks in the quickest time wins the prize of a set of steak knives that are embedded in a wooden block shaped like a Papal Mitre. This is a toned down version of the original first prize, which was a blood-coloured Papal Mitre stabbed through with a dagger