I am told that a man with a gun is in a book depository in Dallas. There is a chance he doesn’t have a license for the gun and guns aren’t allowed in book depositories. I am to investigate.
“Hello there – my name is Brian and I am from the Health and Safety Executive.”
“Where did you come from? I thought, I was told I would be the only person in this room today, so what are you doing here?”
“I am checking you have a license for that gun, because you aren’t supposed to be carrying a gun of that size in this depository. It violates the local laws, specifically regulation HGFR-27272 regarding the carrying of firearms in buildings such as this.”
“Well, what are you going to do about it?”
“I will issue you with a violation notice and then you must put the gun away and not even look as though you are going to use it.”
“I was going to use it though.”
“To do what?”
“Well, I was going to shoot some white pigeons that have been crapping all over the people in this country for too long.”
“That gun seems a bit much for shooting pigeons, it will blow them to pieces.”
“It will be effective and do its job.”
“You must be a marksman then, because the pigeons I can see are a long way away and are minute.”
“I was in The Army, so I can shoot well enough.”
“I see – well I am afraid you will still have to either leave the depository before shooting your pigeons or put the gun away and admire them from afar.”
“You have to be kidding me – I was told it would be OK to shoot them from here and that it was what I will do.”
“No you won’t – in extreme circumstances I have to confiscate the weapon from you and escort you from the building.”
“Are you from the Soviet Union – are you one of their agents who has been sent to haunt me because I came back from Minsk?”
“No, I am from the Health and Safety Time Executive and I am taking that gun from you right now.”
I used my kinetic powers to move the gun from the other man’s hands to my own. I then put the gun under some boxes where it would be difficult to find.
“How did you do that? I know those Russkies were practising mind-over-matter experiments but I didn’t think they’d perfected them like that, wow that was impressive. But I tell you something mister, I need that gun right now. There are one or two pigeons I have to get rid of in the next minute or I will be shot too.”
“They must be very important pigeons, but I can’t have you contravening the regulations, it would be more than my job is worth for that to happen.”
“It will be more than my life is worth if those pigeons go free.”
“Do those pigeons have names?”
“Kennedy and Connally and they are just going by right now and I am not going to be able to do anything about it.”
I looked out of the window and saw a cortege driving by. Suddenly, three shots rang out and two people in one of the cars slumped over.
“What was that?” said the man.
“I think someone else has tried to kill your pigeons for you. The shots came from that grassy knoll over there I think, do you see, near where that man with the camera is standing?”
“I had better leave right away, I am not sure what’s going, but I have been set up, I am a patsy in all this.”