Tomcat Tompkins – Chapter 3

Tomcat opened the car door, leapt out, and did 50 press-ups on the pavement, just to get the stiffness out of his back and neck. Having completed these, he jumped over the garden gate and slammed his large hand against the black-painted front door of the house a few times. The birds stopped singing and next door’s cat, sleeping in their lounge window, opened an eye just to see who was shaking the house.  

The door opened and a man of about 40 stood there. He was about six feet tall and was smoking a cigarette. His green jumper and corduroy trousers didn’t really match, but he was of the opinion that he didn’t care a damn what other people thought.

“Tomcat,” he shouted, “how the devil are you, old boy, I knew it was you, everyone else either uses the front-door bell or the knocker, but only dear old Tomcat tries to knock the door down with his bare hands.”

“Just one hand, actually, Tiffkins old boy, who’s in with you today, old man?”

“Well, let me see, pretty much everyone you asked to be here, squiffy jones, berty bertram, teddy smethurst-pugh, father brown, father black, father white, reverend green, captain mustard, noddy houghton-smythe, cuthy cuthbert, you know, those sort of splendid bally chaps, all of your acquaintance of course.”

“Splendid chaps indeed, let’s get in there and see what we can do; i have to be quick, because I should be down near Chichester in a couple of hours, you see, old bean.”   

“New car, Tomcat?” enquired Tiffkins.

“Well, yes and no, had a bit of a spill yesterday, so had to replace that motor with another auto, which was undamaged,” replied Tompkins, “and I need to drive it around a tad, just to get the mileage somewhat believable, just in case anyone asks, you know.”

“Well, I am sure you’ll manage that Tomcat, old boy, you could get a few Bulgarians in there by the looks of it. Anyway, in we should bally well go.”

Tomcat stepped through the door, to be greeted by a chorus of “For he’s a jolly good fellow” from the assembled white men.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father Brown, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you, old bean,” replied Tomcat.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father Black, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you, old man,” replied Tomcat.

“Hello Tomcat,” said Father White, “how is my splendid friend, today?”

“Very well, thank you, old boy,” replied Tomcat, thankful that the triplets hadn’t brought their half-brothers along.

“Ay, Ay,” said Berty, “is that a Tomcat I see?”

“It is, woof woof,” replied Tomcat, “how’s the old loft, Berty, you’re shortly going to get a visitor, what, a winged messenger with some instructions for the lads here in jolly old Bristol. The 28th is the day and Harwich is the place where our esteemed enemy will be arriving to pay his henchmen and cronies a visit. Organising their trouble for old blighty, but we will be there to stop them, and to divert their plans elsewhere.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s